Category Archives: sex

Sex is no laughing matter in Pakistan

SHAZIA MIRZA

April 18, 2010

IN ALL the countries that I have travelled to to perform stand-up comedy – the US being a regular destination – I have never been held up or interrogated at customs. Or I hadn’t, until I arrived in Pakistan.

I spent six hours at Lahore customs, as I did not have a visa in my British passport to enter the country. The people who organised my gig had mistakenly assumed that because my parents were born in Pakistan and I, too, am brown, they would automatically let me in.

The customs officer asked: “Are you Pakistani?” Yes. “Where were you born?” England. “That makes you a foreigner.”

He looked through my passport, which is filled with US visas. He said: “Are you a spy?” No, I’m a stand-up comedian. “What’s that?” I tell jokes. “And will you be doing that in this country?” Yes. “Oh, is this the entertainment for the Taliban?” he asked, quite seriously. No, I replied. Continue reading

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Filed under Humour, Pakistan, psychology, sex, Women, youth

Bollywood,Reality TV and Indian secularism

Bradistan Calling

Indian TV has seen numerous Bollywood reality shows, competition where common boys (and occasionally girls) have won places on movies by top directors. The Show that I want to talk about is Bollywood, blind-date and arranged (and staged) marriage all rolled into one big media circus. Continue reading

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Shoaib Akhtar’s genital warts keep him off T20 Team Pakistan

hoaib Akhtar’s genital warts keep him off T20 Team Pakistan
As injuries go, this one has to take the cake. And as for revelations and official press releases go, this one could be a sure nomination for the Oscar award for the best ‘visual’ effects, if not win it hands down!
In a statement graphic enough to necessitate a ‘Parental Guidance’ certificate, the Pakistan Cricket Board revealed, “The medical board has reported that Shoaib Akhtar was suffering from genital viral warts and the wound needs further care and treatment for a minimum 10 days for the purpose of healing and to achieve skin cover.”
For the uninitiated, I tried to dig it up in a medical dictionary, and it said, genital warts are a type of sexually transmitted disease (STD), also called a sexually transmitted infection (STI). Hmm, so just why the Pakistani cricket board came up with this explanation, when it would have sufficed to call it anything but what was revealed is beyond me. Unless of course, they wanted to embarrass him as a means of punishment to its perennially erring cricketer!
Akhtar has been one of Pakistan’s most controversial cricketers in their history. His offences range from the ever-so-common ball-chucking to doping, using abusive language in the ‘gentleman’s game’, smacking team-mates and calling the PCB chief by names!
Amidst all of this, Akhtar has had the time to send many a stump cart-wheeling, capture more than 400 wickets in all forms of international cricket, and bowl at speeds that are reminiscent to once found on a formula-one race track.
So while the Pakistani board has already announced that he will not be able to be featured in the ICC World T20 tournament, it would be interesting to know whether any action would be moved against the quick bowler for…er…having sex?

As injuries go, this one has to take the cake. And as for revelations and official press releases go, this one could be a sure nomination for the Oscar award for the best ‘visual’ effects, if not win it hands down!

In a statement graphic enough to necessitate a ‘Parental Guidance’ certificate, the Pakistan Cricket Board revealed, “The medical board has reported that Shoaib Akhtar was suffering from genital viral warts and the wound needs further care and treatment for a minimum 10 days for the purpose of healing and to achieve skin cover.”

For the uninitiated, I tried to dig it up in a medical dictionary, and it said, genital warts are a type of sexually transmitted disease (STD), also called a sexually transmitted infection (STI). Continue reading

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Ifti Nasim: Muslim and Gay?

By Bradistan Calling

Ifti Nasim also known as Iftikhar Nasim is a pioneering Pakistani gay poet who now lives in the U.S. He has written many books of poetry in Urdu and English languages. He has also written prose in both languages. Continue reading

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Celebrating the Body: Sexuality over Spirituality*

Will we not be better off, if we bypass the priest and the therapist,and pray at the altar of the body and stop confusing it?

By Saeed Ur Rehman

All that gazes, seeks rapture in the other, dances, decorates itself to flaunt its untapped vitality, pulsates, throbs, runs in our veins, and yearns for eternity by multiplying itself is confused with one word: love. Love is an effect of biological vitality not its cause. We do not desire another human being because we feel love but rather we humans have assigned taming metaphors to what our flesh induces in us. By assigning abstract concepts to all that is life-giving, we, the metaphysical animals, have created an elaborate prison of metaphors for our healthy bodies. Continue reading

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Into the Mirror – Mukhtaran Mai

EXCERPT: House Of Women

The book explores tribal traditions and lifestyles in Pakistan and tries to reconstruct both sides of the story to unearth the truth behind the alleged gang-rape of a Pakistani village woman.

November 2005, Mirwala

‘She was his bride!’ the old widow hollers in autumn sunshine, surrounded by rag-clothed grandchildren.

Gold studding her bulbous nose, the matriarch of the house where Mukhtar says she was assaulted rocks, sobs, and pulls on the tattered corners of a thin purple floral shawl pyramiding her face, and wipes her raging tears.

‘We never took their girl! They are telling lies to you and everyone! To take a girl and do such things to her does not exist in Islam. Muslims and Islam know no activity like this.’

Taj Mai Mastoi, somewhere in her 60s, cries on a charpoy in her dust-blown courtyard.

‘No-one realises we also are Muslims!’

She clutches her knee to her chin between outbursts of spitting rage.

‘There was no rape!’ she fires. ‘There was not even a panchayat! She came as a bride.’ Continue reading

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On being a Pakistani man

Imaduddin Ahmed

Another Independence Day has gone! Yes, we lost our more democratic half and there’s quite a bit of turmoil here and there, but we’e here and we can say “Up Yours India!” and that’s what counts, right?

Well, besides being here, what do we Pakistanis have to show for ourselves? Two things that spring to mind are a few sporting achievements (a confidence booster for Pakistani male virility) and the Muslim-nuclear bomb, coupled with a few missiles – which means we’e good at erecting phallic tools that cause massive explosions (testimony to the fact that we’re not afraid of showing India how large our collective might is).

One wonders what the state might have accomplished had our army-worshipping culture not been so preoccupied by male sexual insecurities. But it sheds a sympathetic light on our predilection for imprisoning our women within four walls; men are also victims of their own chauvinism. Continue reading

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