Category Archives: Humour

We Shall Overrun: The Young, Urban, Middle Class Pakistani Manifesto

By Nadeem F. Paracha 

http://blog.dawn.com/2010/03/20/we-shall-overrun/

1. Asif Ali Zardari is the devil incarnate.

2. The Pakistan Army is the saviour.

3. The Taliban are resisting American imperialism.

4. We hate American foreign policy unless it suits us. We are against American imperialism if it means we have to ditch the Taliban as that would be against the aspirations of our founding father, Mohammed Bin Qasim. We will no longer shop at Marks and Spencer because they are somehow connected to Israel. However, that does not mean we will switch off our computers and cell phones whose chip technology has been made possible due to major contributions from Israeli scientists. Continue reading

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Filed under Al Qaeda, Army, baluchistan, Benazir Bhutto, Democracy, FATA, Humour, India, Iran, Islam, Islamabad, Kerry Lugar Bill, Pakistan, Punjab, Punjabi, Religion, Taliban, USA, War On Terror, Writers, Yusuf Raza Gillani, Zardari

Traitors and Reactionaries

Dedicated to Hameed Gul and Nadeem Farooq Paracha
 
By Raza Habib Raja

The political spectrum in our country is polarized between two extremes: patriotic conservatives and the liberals. Both these extremes are often in complete conflict and accuse the other of naivety and even fanaticism. While conspiracy theories of the rightwing are well known, I have seen that liberals are not at all far behind and churn out their own conspiracy theories in which they try to absolve the PPP government of everything under the sun. Following are the “pearls” of wisdom uttered by both sides.
 
 
The Patriotic Brigade
 
1.      We are patriots and love our motherland like hell. We are macho and believe in jingoism. Our favorite terms are: Islam; nationalism; traitors; baigharat liberals; strategic location; CIA; Mosad; RAW; corruption; and independent judiciary.    Of course those who do not agree with us are traitors or liberal fanatics.
 
2.      Liberalism is an anti patriotic philosophy and has the sole aim of westernization and thus weakening of Pakistan.
 
3.      The entire world is united against Pakistan because we have the nuclear arsenal for “peaceful” purposes.  Although critics say that it is a crude copy of Chinese technology (which itself is of low quality) but since our engineers copied it therefore it is our pride. Continue reading

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Filed under dynasties, Humour, liberal Pakistan, Pakistan, Society

Sex is no laughing matter in Pakistan

SHAZIA MIRZA

April 18, 2010

IN ALL the countries that I have travelled to to perform stand-up comedy – the US being a regular destination – I have never been held up or interrogated at customs. Or I hadn’t, until I arrived in Pakistan.

I spent six hours at Lahore customs, as I did not have a visa in my British passport to enter the country. The people who organised my gig had mistakenly assumed that because my parents were born in Pakistan and I, too, am brown, they would automatically let me in.

The customs officer asked: “Are you Pakistani?” Yes. “Where were you born?” England. “That makes you a foreigner.”

He looked through my passport, which is filled with US visas. He said: “Are you a spy?” No, I’m a stand-up comedian. “What’s that?” I tell jokes. “And will you be doing that in this country?” Yes. “Oh, is this the entertainment for the Taliban?” he asked, quite seriously. No, I replied. Continue reading

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Filed under Humour, Pakistan, psychology, sex, Women, youth

A debate derailed

“Oh and please, try to stay a little light hearted about this one”

by Asif Akhtar       cross-post from Dawn Blog, Nov 20th, 2009

Last week, in a blog titled ‘The Convenient Curtain of Myth‘, I tried to show the dangers of viewing international politics through popular mythological conceptions which produce theories like the India-US-Israel triangulation as a conspiracy to destroy Islam and Pakistan. Little did I know this would turn into a hotly debated topic fueled with national pride and egoistic emotions. I figured I should utilise my slot this week to respond to some of the eye-catching comments, while covering different themes of the debate, and at the same time injecting some much needed humor into the situation. Continue reading

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Filed under Blogging, Humour, India, Pakistan

A Recipe for making Pushto films

By Zia Ahmad

(courtesy of Friday Times)

Overweight beauties, middle aged gruff leading men, starched hair pieces, logic defying plots, garish costumes, mind boggling dance and fight sequences and pelvic thrusts performed with uncharacteristic gusto, all are hallmarks that define the cornerstone of Pakistani film culture that we know as Pushto films. Over the years Pushto cinema has formed an identity that is utterly unique in offering a brand of entertainment that no self respecting man would want to see with his mum and kids. It didn’t use to be this way though. Earlier Pushto films used to be based around folk tales that paved the way for wholesome family entertainment. Parallel to the rise of Gandasa films in Punjab, during the 80s, Pushto films witnessed a notable dip in quality. Producers and distributors catered their products for the lowest common denominator. That is how Pushto cinema came to be what it is now. Continue reading

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Filed under Cinema, culture, Humour, North-West Frontier Province

Laughter in cyberspace

By Irfan Husain

(Dawn 01/08/09)

One of the job requirements of a politician is sharp elbows. Another is a thick skin. So I suppose a sense of humour would be asking for too much.

The recent — and I hope stillborn — attempt to curb text messages and emails mocking our president is yet another reminder of our inability to take a joke when it is directed at us. Indeed, as a people, we Pakistanis lack the ability to laugh at ourselves. So wishing for a presidential sense of humour in our solemn environment is expecting a lot. Continue reading

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Filed under Democracy, Humour, Pakistan, Politics, Society

Bollywood,Reality TV and Indian secularism

Bradistan Calling

Indian TV has seen numerous Bollywood reality shows, competition where common boys (and occasionally girls) have won places on movies by top directors. The Show that I want to talk about is Bollywood, blind-date and arranged (and staged) marriage all rolled into one big media circus. Continue reading

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