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Our Wonderful Hosts

by Amaar Ahmad
In the aftermath of the carnage in Lahore against Ahmadis, life returned to normal. Our prime minister gazed at the wonders on display at another art gallery, our law minister spoke to TV channels highlighting the great efforts of Punjab police in striking down the terror cells, our mullahs ranted fatwas against infidels and the hosts of our television shows switched to their favorite topic of the failings of the PPP government.

The scale of the tragedy in Lahore on May 28 must have been enormous. After all, how can you explain why our television anchors felt obliged to parade Allama after Allama for delivering words of condemnation that night. No sooner did the Ulema utter words of commiseration than sermons on the context and pretext of why and how a terrorist does what he does were offered. Never mind that some of the erudite scholars also consider the Ahmadis (Qadiyanis) to be ‘wajib-ul-qatal’ who deserve to be either put down or put out. The soothing words of our Ulema are indeed a nice combination of what should really be done to these infidels as well as a condolence for the infidels when it is actually done.

The TV hosts also wanted to quickly move on to discussing the hopeless inefficiency of the Punjab police in protecting the life of citizens. The anchors decided to analyze this issue ad nauseam – a valuable use of public airtime. The citizens need to be constantly reminded of the fact that they should not be expecting any protection and ought to make alternative arrangements.

Our anchors also bring people on their shows who analyze social evils through slogans. One such slogan is ‘terrorists have no religion’. That members of religious groups are committing these acts of violence should not be a concern. That with  indoctrination so many of our madressas are mass producing murderers is not worrisome. That pamphlets are being distributed which declare open season on the life and property of Kafirs (read Ahmadis, Shias and Christians) should not disturb our sleep. That banners are openly displayed even now advertising the famous convert-or-be-killed option for Ahmadis should not make us anxious either. After all, terrorists have no religion.//

Our anchors love humanity. Oppression of fellow Muslims disturbs them even if the event happens on Pluto. When Israelis hunt down humanitarian workers on the flotilla, our hosts lose their peace of mind and grant their entire airtime to the atrocity. These troubling events also agitate our religious parties so much that they start running amok on the streets and screaming cries of anguish. Surely, our national generosity demands that Pakistan’s problems should wait.

This brings us back to the carnage in Lahore. When our TV hosts devote their valuable time to discuss the troubles of our country, they must never commit one folly. They must never allow the Ahmadis on their show. Otherwise the world would know a dirty little secret kept hidden from public since 1974. Pakistani public must never discover about the deliberate police inaction at the killings of Ahmadis in broad daylight, the government prohibition on their public gatherings, the regular imprisonment for their crimes such as declaring the Muslim Kalima, for saying the Azaan and for the cardinal sin of considering themselves Muslims.

Anchors of Pakistan! You must never let the Ahmadi explain his position on your show even if a hundred members of his community are murdered during the act of worship before Allah. Put Ulema of all breeds on your shows instead.
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