The White Tiger of Pakistan

The White Tiger of Pakistan

If Billo Halwai Lived in Pakistan

You Chinese are far ahead of us in every respect, except that you don’t have entrepreneurs and our nation- though it has no drinking water, electricity, sewage system, public transportation, sense of hygiene, discipline, courtesy or punctuality- does have entrepreneurs. Thousands and hundreds of thousands of them, especially in the field of technology and these have setup all these outsourcing companies that virtually run America now.

Only three nations have never let themselves be ruled by foreigners: china, Afghanistan and Abyssinia .these are the only three nations I admire.
My country is the kind where it pays to play it both ways. The entrepreneur has to be straight and crooked, mocking and believing, sly and sincere at the same time so I am closing my eyes, folding my hands in a reverence and praying to God/Allah/Ishvar orYahweh and Judah to shine light on my dark story.

He probably has what a few years of schooling in him? he can read and write, but he doesn’t get what he’s read. He’s half baked. the country is full of people like him “The autobiography of a half baked Generalissimo President” me and millions of others in this country are half baked, because we were never allowed to complete our education .open our skulls, look in with a penlight, and you’ll find an odd museum of ideas: sentences of history and politics remembered from school text books, presidential speeches read in a newspaper’s torn pages, which every tea shop uses to wrap its snacks. In bits of TV debates, radio news bulletins things that drop into half finished discussions. All these ideas, half formed, half digested and only half correct, mix up with others in your head from your past religious teachers and parental stories. These are what we act on and live with. Entrepreneurs are made from half baked clay.

At least a third of the country a fertile place, full of rice and wheat fields. those who live in this place call it darkness. My land of pure is two countries, one in light the other darkness. The rivers bring light to Punjab and the mountains bring darkness to frontiers- filled with dark soul bearded walking dead – with the zombies hell bent on blowing up the girls and their schools.
I wonder if Buddha still lived here in valley of Ghandhara, as some people say he did, my own feeling is he would have run as far away from swat and would have never looked back. In my own village a bright strip of sewage splits the street into two. Either side a market more or less identical shops selling identically adulterated and stale items of rice cooking oil, biscuits, cigarettes, ASPRIN and RAT poison for all ailments of common folks. If one doesn’t cure you, the other surely will take care of the final pain.

Mr Sarkari(the official chaperon) a shinning example of how to serve your masters and wallets with absolute fidelity ,love and devotion.

My typical village paradise, adequately supplied electricity, running water, working telephones, children raised on Chinese baby milk powder, meat, eggs, vegetables and lentils, will match up to minimum height and weight standards set by United Nations millennium development goals who’s charter was co-authored by our highly Bankable prime minister Mr Short-cut Beloved, Ah electricity poles defunct, water taps broken, children malnourished too lean and short for their age with over-sized heads.

The black fort of Rohtas as beautiful as anything seen in Europe, the Turks, Afghans(I think Suri the king) or the family of slave king (which ever Muslim invaders were ruling these lands then) must have built it centuries ago. This land (thanks to the English and Americans after Muslim rulers) has never really been free. First the high class priests of Brahmins then Muslims followed by English and American in chronological order.
Four Jungle kings the Landlords (named buffalo, stork, boar and raven) live in high walled mansions with their own places of worship, drinking dens and lakes of naval town, they do not need to come out of their protective shell.

A CERTAIN QUANTITY OF CASH, open any newspaper in this country of pure, it is always this crap. “Certain interested party has been spreading rumours or a certain religious community doesn’t believe in family planning”. I hate this enforced secrecy and celebrated anonymity.

The paradise school, the teacher had a legitimate excuse to steal, he hadn’t been paid salary in six months. Because pay of any government job is poor but the incidental kickbacks and advantages are numerous. No one blamed the teacher everyone would have done the same in his position. Some were even proud of him, for having got away with it so cleanly. The smartest kid (none had any shoes) in school, read aloud “we live in a glorious land, the Muslim scientists in 12th century were the most enlightened and Europe was and still is darkness and sin. we are grateful to Allah that we were born in this Land so pure and beautiful” the inspector asked “good what is the Great Leader’s message for little children, they Chanted aloud “any boy in any village can grow up to become the prime minister” they had seen a policeman write this slogan on the walls of a RED MOSQUE.

“YOU, YOUNG BOY ARE AN INTELLIGENT HONEST,HARWORKING FELLOW IN THIS CROWD OF THUGS AND IDIOTS, you are a creature that comes along only once in a generation “Mr 25% White Tiger”.

Lessons for young boys from the life of great leader “I am the mantra people chant, the infallible law of life in great darkness, with me good news becomes bad”.
The family had taken big loan from stork so they could have a lavish wedding for their girl. Now stork called for his money, the white tiger was taken from school to work in tea shop.” imagine that each coal is my skull, they will get much easier to break if you are angry”
tea shop gives better education than any school can in darkness, “its almost three in morning in land of pure, the American work day is coming to an end in Big Apple, here in outsourcing capital day is beginning in earnest, I must be near the phone in case of some crisis, I am the man people call when they are in trouble”.

Iqbal who is one of the four greatest poets in the world, the others being Rumi, Ghalib and the fourth fellow name I have forgotten. Iqbal said this about slaves, they remain
Slaves because they cannot see what is beautiful in this world. A great poet this fellow Iqbal-even if he was a Muslim. Have you noticed that all four greatest poets were muslims? And yet all the Muslims you meet are illiterate or covered head to toe in black Burkas or looking for building to blow up! It’s a puzzle, isn’t it?

I confess to you, Mr prime minister, I am not a original thinker but I am a original listener. There was no hospital for someone who suddenly starts spitting blood, although there are different foundation stones for three location of hospitals laid by great politician before three elections. a sign on the gate say “Muslim memorial free hospital holy proof that Great Leader keeps his promises”. There is good money in public service, imagine a doctor begs and borrows money to give to great leader while touching his feet. No doctor available in hospital but present in staff records.

The marriage of the boy took place a month after the cremation of blood spitting father. it was one of the good wedding because boy side remember exactly how they sucked the last drop of blood from girls side thousands repress in crisp new notes thick gold chains and brand new Honda motorcycle.

Back in tea shop the job was total dishonesty and corruptions and it was an enriching experience financially and spiritually. Technology based firm seeks smart men for start-up .attractive remuneration lessons in life and entrepreneurship included free.
In light of my land of impure there are twenty five pages of job advertisements.

In darkness thousands of unskilled uneducated young men sit in queues for daily labour. Every now and then truck comes by, men rush to it hands out stretched, shouting “take me take me” on construction and digging job. This country once the richest nation of earth was like a zoo, a clean, well kept, orderly. Everyone in his place, everyone happy goldsmiths knew their work, cowherd’s son became cow herder and the Landlord sat with peace, a man called halwai always made sweets, untouchable (the Christians and low caste Hindus) always cleaned the gutters, women covered their faces with veil and shied away from talking to strangers.

In 1947 British left and the cages were let open in independence, Hindu Muslims Sikh animals had attacked and ripped each other apart and only two destinies remain in India and Pakistan today: eat or get eaten up. Men with large bellies eat men and women of small stomachs.
This Driver “he’s got a big family, never make any trouble, father was a rickshaw-puller, brother works in tea shop. no history of supporting communists, the family are religious and cannot go anywhere we know exactly where they live” Don’t you pray? What are a communist or something? I brought two dozen of the cheapest pictures of makah mosque and names of Mohammed. We drowned each other’s prayers in a loud competition every morning. God say I am powerful I am mighty, become my servant again. The devil says Na (scornfully).

The Great Leader had been the dictator of darkness for eleven years, his symbol,
A pair of hands holding an opened book of scripture in recitation was on walls of every office school and place of worship. Some say Leader started off as a good clean man, but dirty mud of darkness sucked him in to the clan of bearded zombies.

a great Indian film sir, lots of dancing, hero was a Muslim sharukh, poor hardworking guy but he wanted job at the home of an evil prejudiced Hindu Landlord who did not like Muslims, so just to feed a starving family, shahrukh claimed to be a Hindu and changed his named to ram pershad, he managed to do that with the help of Nepal Gate keeper at the house. The chanting prayers turned into loud sobs.

You go and be a driver in capital you never did anything to hurt me forgive me I am, very pious man. The devil says Na scornfully.this magazine murder weekly is sold in every shop alongside the cheap sensational and sensual novels, it is very popular among all the servants of the capital. One drives buys it and passes it around for a minimal library charge a million poor servants secretly fantasying about slitting master’s throat.

I realised that this handsome foreign educated and American accent man who would be my only master (in a few minutes) was weak, helpless absent mined and completely unprotected by the usual instincts(of his father the Landlord stork)that ran in the cruel bood of darkness “the capital will be like Dubai in two years” say great leader.The jail of capital is full of drivers who are taking the blame for theirgood solid upper class master’s traffic accidents. We have left darkness but the masters still own us, body and soul. We are a democracy ha what a f%*king Joke.

The greatest thing invented in our land is rooster coop. the rooster in the coop smell the blood from above. they know they are next. yet they do not rebel. they donot try to get out of coop, same are the human chicken in our pure land. that is because never before in human history have so few owed so much to so many(1947,1979,1988 and 2007, jihad tora bora and Afghanistan dollars )a handful of men in this land have trained the remaining 99.9% to exist in perpetual servitude of the Sarkari American masters. Why does the rooster coop work? How does it trap so many millions of women children and men so effectively, can a one break out from this slave killing machine?

The joint family, Honour killings, Misogyny, shame and RELIGION are the reasons all of us are trapped and tied in servitude.

Only an insane man willing to see honour and family destroyed , hunted and beaten or burnt alive by bearded zombies will try to reach out this perpetual prison of honour religion and family.

The White Tiger is the debut novel of Aravind Adiga. Published in 2008 and won the Man Booker Prize The Story is the contrast between India’s rise as a modern global economy and the life of main character, who comes from crushing rural poverty



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11 responses to “The White Tiger of Pakistan

  1. hindu+sikh

    i read this novel this january but its certainly not that cool……There are sexier books than this on indias poverty and 10% growth. Many critics have also panned this book in leading journals.A literary equivalent of a bgrade masala film, that is what it is.

  2. hindu+sikh

    ramchandra guha’s seminal work”INDIA AFTER GANDHI” begins with these wonderful words:
    ” India is a pluralist society that creates magic with democracy, rule of law and individual freedom,community relations and [cultural] diversity.WHAT A PLACE TO BE AN INTELLECTUAL!………I wouldn’t mind being born ten times to rediscover India
    —-Robert Blackwill,departing US ambassador , in 2003 ”
    I share exactly the same feelinGs as mr blackwill does ,about india.WHAT A PLACE TO BE AN INTELLECTUAL. WHAT A SALAD BOWL SOCIETY.
    let this manhoos poverty and hunger thing end by 2022(as goldmann sachs predicts) and India will proudly assert its position in the WORLD. (according to most cruel estimates, india will outstrip american economy by 2035 and will be a superpower by 2040/45. india will also be the biggest nation by 2040 with over 1.6 billion souls)PAKISTAN, JOIN US IN THIS AMAZING JOURNEY BY BEFRIENDING US(AND BY CONVERTING LOC INTO IB!!)
    ———–Richard Boucher, south asian envoy for the usa, speaking to pakistani journalists about the “Friends of pakistan” meeting;circa 2008

  3. Desi-MBA

    is india shinning? bjp or congress believe it is.

  4. hayyer48

    Indian Patriots, please consider. Rule of law is weak. The haves need not fear the law, the have nots better watch out. The police is an instrumentality of the political powerful. Even the Prime Minister is a minion of a corrupt and discredited family. Criminals find their way into the Union Cabinet and Mildman Singh is so happy being in the job that he does not even notice.
    India hangs together, but just about. As for the intellectuals I cant see any. Blackwill is a lobbyist.
    Not one original idea has come out of these Indian intellectuals in the last fifty years. They have to go to the US to say something original.
    Hindu Sikh: You need not sound like a tourist train tout. Corruption is rampant in the political system, bureaucracy, judiciary police and business circles. The economy has less to do with any ideas of India’s political system that you are inviting Pakistani’s to and more to leaving things be.

  5. D_a_n

    I actually quite enjoyed it…..

    PS: Hindu+Sikh…so you counting yourself as an intellectual then? 🙂 …

  6. bonobashi

    A salad-bowl society?

    Now I know which bit could be vinegar but isn’t.

  7. hindu-sikh

    @ hayyer 48 i am certainly not associating indias economic growth with our political system.We have corruption but which poor country doesnt have it? That we have managed to remain united is one of the better achievements of our just wait for 2040 when the hindsight will be better seen.
    Indias corruption will reduce as our middle class expands , our media becomes more free and our parliament passes more laws like the RTI 2005.
    Hayyer 48, dont underestimate the achievements of indian intellectuals.
    @ DAN, Yaar , I was just having some fun.Nth else(i am not an intellectual)You pakistanis are gettin’ advices from all corners ,all continents,; i thought i could pass my time by contributing one of my advices

  8. hindu-sikh

    @bono, i love your turns of phrases. Wah!

  9. bonobashi

    Maybe, fifty years later, someone can say the same for you.

  10. D_a_n

    @Hindu Sikh… ‘Yaar’

    I dont have anything against you having fun…or not…

    however, I wasnt aware that we were in the business of providing you with amusement…..

    as far as passing your time is concerned…..I would recommend a trip to the nearest toddlers soft play area im sure you will find people of your age group to bond and play with….

  11. this website is not appopriate for 1- 12 year olds at this time